


Count to Ten and Fall Apart

by Winterborne



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: But it's there, But with a happy ending, M/M, Mentions of child abuse/neglect, Rape/Non-con Elements, also nightmares, and all the fun symptoms that come with those, and panic attacks, because i did it last minute, not outwardly, secretsantawatch, so get ready for a harsh drop in quality around 'bout there, so head's up, the last half of the 3rd chapter isn't beta read, this is just full of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-12 03:56:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9054400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winterborne/pseuds/Winterborne
Summary: Jack Morrison never liked bedtimes as a kid.Like most things from his childhood, he never quite figured out how to leave it completely behind.(He thinks he might be able to deal with this.)





	1. Indiana, USA - 2035

**Author's Note:**

  * For [KasumiAFKGod](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KasumiAFKGod/gifts).



> This is my secret santa for kasumiafkgod on Tumblr. Hope it's okay. :0

The day was quickly giving way to night, golden glimmers of light still illuminating the room but getting increasingly dark. Yellow giving way to orange, sun setting the sky ablaze in one final show of light before it was to disappear into the distance until the next day. With it, Jack can almost feel his joy going alongside.

Eyes fixed out the window, watching the dwindling light, Jack sighs lightly. _Almost time to go home._

A hand jostles his shoulder and from his own thoughts, grounding him back to his surroundings.

"What's got you looking so serious?" Jack looked up to see the mirthful eyes of his friend, Andrew, smile lopsided across his face.

"I..." His smile faltered a bit at Jack trailing off, eyebrows scrunching up in worry. "It's nothing!" Jack raised his voice, forcing his bright smile forth, "just thinking 'bout how I probably won't have time to finish reading this."

With that, Jack gestured to the comic book rested on his crossed legs. "I'm really liking it. You said there's three more issues out at the moment, right?"

Andrew's eyes lit up, smile once again returning to its usual fullness.

"Yeah! I have the second and third ones as well if you want to borrow them." He kept his hand on Jack's shoulder as he sat down next to him, arm slung over the blond as he handed over the two other comic books. "I think you'll really like this series," he said in a tone a hush softer, smile smaller yet still beaming with the same happiness as his hand gave Jack's shoulder a quick squeeze.

"Thanks," Jack's voice came out small, trying in vain to match the same sincerity as Andrew's. It sounded weak instead. Hand still holding Jack's shoulder, Andrew tried to make eye contact with the other's downturned eyes.

"Hey," Andrew prompted, finally achieving eye contact, "you put them in your bag and I'll give you a ride home."

Andrew smiled, small yet so warm, so close and strangely vulnerable it its openness. Eyes widening slightly, Jack almost swore that time could stop in that moment, a moment just for them. Low light shimmered in through the window over their bodies in Andrew's bedroom. It was just bright enough to read by, dust particles palpable in the air like stars, after they had both forgotten to turn on the lights as it started to get late, too absorbed in what they had been doing.

"Come on," Andrew said, still softly, keeping the moment unbroken as his hand on Jack's shoulder guided him to stand up with him, movements slow and careful. Both kept each other's gaze as they got to their feet, breaking it after a few seconds of standing still.

Andrew’s hand left Jack's shoulder and he looked down, eyes turned to his feet. "I- um," he stammered out, unsure of his own words until he cleared his throat and looked up again. "Come on," he repeated, gesturing his head to the door of his room.  
  
Jack followed behind him without thinking, gaze fixed onto the back of Andrew's head.   
  
They moved through the house quickly, not bothering to close Andrew's bedroom door or any of the others on their way to the garage. Jack kept close behind at all times, watching him yet not exchanging any words. If he clutched a little tighter than normal to Andrew as he got onto the back of his friend's bicycle, he didn't mention anything. Only relaxed into the embrace as they started on their way.

The route back to Jack’s house was lighted by sparsely placed lampposts, becoming more infrequent the further into the countryside they got until it was only the stars, moon, and the bike’s headlight lighting the way.

Tipping his head back, Jack let his mind wander to a pleasant naught, feeling Andrew’s warm body against his, a solid companion. No matter how each second brought him closer to returning to his family’s house, to being alone again, he forced a simple, comfortable existence from the moment.

This close, Jack could feel every deep, calm breath Andrew gave. Closing his eyes to focus on only that, Jack pushed his face into the back of the other boy’s neck. His forehead against the soft skin and light brown hair, just long enough after a haircut to feel smooth instead of bristly, and with that Jack could swear he felt Andrew’s breathing halt for a second before he relaxed into the same steady pace as before. Jack hardly noticed when the ride became rougher, the ground less even. In the back of his mind, he knew this couldn’t last, whatever _this_ was.

And as if on cue, the bike stopped.

“Hey, Jackie, we’re here,” Andrew’s words came but were followed with him simply staying still. Jack knew then: he didn’t want to move. He didn’t want to take his body from Andrew’s warm, giving one. The other boy was a good friend, ever since Jack could remember, keeping him company and never looking at him like he’s _nothing_. He’d give and comfort and, Jack would swear, love.

Jack ate it all up.

There was a shift, Andrew pulling himself up and away, and Jack was forced with him. Both of their feet planted firmly on the ground now, Andrew looked at him, eyes intense and searching for something. Jack didn’t know what, didn’t dare ask for anything when it wasn’t being given already, but he relished in it nonetheless.

He nearly didn't notice when Andrew cupped his cheek if it wasn't for how foreign the gentle touch was. Jack startled, went tense, but held himself back from flinching away.   
  
Andrew continued to just look at him, eyes still expectant. Simply waiting.   
  
The further it went on, the more anxious Jack became. _He wanted this_ . He wanted the positive attention, to be acknowledged, but not _this_ . Not from Andrew.   
  
The sheer amount of adoration and gentleness in Andrew's actions kept him there, however. Jack wondered how much further Andrew would go for him if he simply _let this happen_ . Would he stay longer? Would he like him more? Mean something even more than he does now?   
  
_God,_ did Jack want that.   
  
Jack waited, wanting anything Andrew would give him, but couldn't make the move himself.   
  
His body was frozen, only illuminated by the bicycle lying forgotten on the ground and its headlight.

All too soon, Andrew was closer than Jack remembered him being. He again forced his body to not react, to not flinch away, instead collecting himself and his racing doubts. Readied himself for the moment and its possibilities. He could feel gentle circles being smoothed over his cheek, all intent to calm however doing anything but.

Andrew’s eyes flickered into something else, as if Jack had replied to what he’d been looking for so intently, and Jack felt himself go cold.

The hand cupping his cheek left, moving instead to settle on his shoulder, and Jack realised how tense the muscle there had gone. _‘When did that happen?’_ was the thought at the back of his mind, before he was dragged back by the new look Andrew was yet to stop giving him. It wasn’t right. He didn’t want to be looked at like that. Like he was something to be _pitied_.

Yet, here he was, with the moment gone and with it Andrew’s warmth, replaced by this.

“I’ll see you, yeah?” Andrew said, gaze now falling to his bike and hardly meeting Jack again.

Jack could only watch him picking up his bike, Andrew giving him one more look before quickly going on his way again. As Andrew departed, the absence of the headlight left everything so much darker. Jack had only the stars for company now, a feeling of diminutiveness in reaction to the large expanse overcoming him.

Pulling his backpack more securely against himself, a solid weight on his back, Jack turned away. Andrew had gone, and he himself had to go back to his house. Feet treading through wet grass, Jack approached the porch. The light was on inside the living room, glaring despite the curtains dampening its harshness, and he could here faint sounds of a television inside.

Jack twisted the doorknob with a gentle, careful hand. Opening it ajar slightly, waiting to see if anyone noticed it, Jack only continued when nothing answered him in the positive.

The hall was shrouded in darkness, violated only by the same jarring light glaring out the window. The door to the living was wide open, the sound of the television so much clear and nearer and Jack could only hope it was loud enough to cover his footsteps.

Undoing his shoelaces, refusing to sit down and instead hunching awkwardly on one foot until switching to undo the other one, Jack kept his eyes focused on the living room entrance. It made the task harder, scrambling blindly at his shoes, but he was too fixed on the light to care.

Shoes in hand and bag on back, Jack walked with slow, cautious steps across the hall towards his room. Keeping himself as much to the shadows as he could, Jack’s grip tightened when he got to the opened living room door. There was too much light, too harsh, if anyone looked in his direction now there’d be nothing to keep him hidden.

Jack peered into the room before he fully put himself out from under the dark shadows, assessing the inside with eyes alert. There was his father, sitting in his chair perpendicular to the doorway, only half focused on the television as he sat with a bottle in one hand.

 _‘It’s going to be okay,’_ Jack reassured himself, making the transition from the dark to the light, footsteps a whisper, body hunched in on itself. The light felt like it was burning into his skin, his eyes too sensitive to it, but Jack continued to move in his practiced, wary pace.

Jack was nearly across, back into the shadows on the other side and nearly to his room, when the light in the room caught his hyperfocused eyes directly. He squinted his eyes violently, white spots covering his vision, as he attempted to get used to the direct glare. His feet faltered slightly, only to come to a complete stop. Jack’s eyes were snatched back to his father, the man giving a slight shift in his chair.

Then, the voice came and Jack froze.

“Lauren, what the _hell_ have I told you ‘bout-” his father turned around in his chair to face Jack, his voice rough and filling the entire room, only to leave it empty again when he cut himself off. “Oh,” he simply said, face falling from a snarl, teeth bared, only to go back to the same indifference as before.

Every muscle in his body tightened up even after his father continued to half watch to television, and Jack made way to a slight, quiet jog to his room.

Door shut, quick as he could while stilling keeping quiet, Jack pressed his back against the door and slid down it. His knuckles were white from the grip he had on his shoes and backpack, tension leaving his body only by small amounts. He focused on relaxing his heavy breathing, body shaking from how wound up his muscles were, ready for a fight.

Knees curled up into his chest and face pressed onto his knees, Jack didn’t know what time he got to his room and what time he got out of that position. He stayed there until the was able to work the tension out of his body, although he couldn’t manage to quite do the same for his thoughts.

After spending however much time pressed into himself, Jack pushed himself up. He barely undressed, taking off just his jeans, before turning off the light and retiring to his bed.

 _‘Gotta go school tomorrow, gotta get my homework done before classes start,’_ Jack focused his mind on tomorrow, distracting himself so he could fall asleep at a hopefully decent hour. Hand fumbling into the back pocket of his jeans, lying discarded next to the bed, he took out his phone and set an alarm. _‘6:30, go to school early, finish homework, see Andrew.’_

Jack felt his throat tighten up at the thought.

The feeling wasn’t unusual - not for Jack. On the typical day, the thoughts of having to return to his family’s house, on what that could possibly entail, often had his chest and breathing feeling constricted, nausea creeping up his throat. _This,_ however, was new.

The feeling of how close and warm Andrew had been invaded his senses all over again, almost tangible yet not quite, like a cruel echo. All too quickly, he was aware of how cold and thin his bedsheets were, how barren his room was.

Jack sniffed, feeling the corners of his eyes moist, and he cursed himself. If he'd just taken the plunge, Andrew might still be here now. The idea was a longshot. It was fanciful. But it _could have been. ‘If I’d just given that bit more, Andrew might still-’_

Jack cut his own train of thought off, feeling his breathing get too wild. He couldn’t do this, not with school in the morning and with how disturbed his sleep usually was regardless. He needed this, needed to get as much sleep as his body would let him in between waking up every few hours with every small bump and little nightmare. Phone still in his hand, he pressed the screen on again to read the bold numbers reading **01:24**.

Jack let out a stuttering breath.

This was going to be a long night.


	2. Indiana, USA - 2039

Jack's lungs burnt with constriction, trapped into a too tight chest in a cage of ribs. His eyes met only darkness - or nothingness, he couldn't tell, not in his panic.  
  
Gasping, pained sobs filled his ears and it took him several seconds to realise it was coming from himself.   
  
_'Please be okay, please don't, please-'_   
  
Clutching at the rough fabric beneath his fingers, he attempted to ground himself. His body rolled over, slumping against the bed, and he pressed his forehead against his forearm. The harsh bedsheets, small formal cot, and the sound of other people sleeping. He knew where he was.   
  
_It was okay. He wasn't there anymore. Everything was okay._   
  
Choked noises gave way to broken breaths, slowly getting control back over his own body.   
  
There was shifting nearby, to Jack's right, and he choked on his own noises when there was a rough grumble of complaint.   
  
"Morrison, for fuck's sake, it's the middle of the night," the other soldier, Mitchell if he remembered, sounded more exasperated than actually angry.   
  
It didn't matter. It still sent his nerves alight.   
  
Sounds and sobs now muffled against his skin and pillow, Jack kept still against the his trembling.   
  
'You're okay,’ he repeated the sentiment throughout his head, anything to soothe his shaking body and mind.


	3. Nevada, USA - 2041

The Soldier Enhancement Program had, for all intents and purposes, put Jack’s body through hell and back again.

When he’d first been proposed a spot, he had known it was highly classified and it wouldn’t come without risks.

_“SEP will develop you into the greatest soldier your potential will allow, and then some. Strength, speed, agility - all will be enhanced beyond what you could ever hope for with this program. We know that with your skills, you’d make a valuable member.”_

The words had sent a jolt of confidence and hope through his body when they’d first been spoken. It’d been one on one, from one of the brass. He hadn’t known which one, not his rank nor his name, but he _had_ seen all his medals decorating his uniform and the way he had talked to Jack with such promise and respect.

How could he say no?

Now, with his sheets and clothes sticking to his sweat-slick skin, the words were bittersweet.

He had to remind himself, he was on the upbound. When the injections had first began, his blood had felt like it was boiling in his own veins. Countless nights had been spent lying awake anywhere his body had decided to fall, although ‘conscious’ wouldn’t be how he’d describe it. During those episodes, the world seemed so far away and every sense was blurred, unable to distinguish words and delicate actions.

Later on - Jack wouldn’t be able to tell you _when_ specifically, with the state of mind he’d been in before - the effects seemed to flip completely. The burning was still there, intensified now. It permeated into every inch of his being, but that was the only familiar reaction. His muscles felt like they could burst, straining against his own body with their mass, and every sound and touch was exaggerated to a nigh unbearable caliber.

The scientists and doctors had all said it was typical, that his body was just getting used to it. That in a bit, his new state would feel normal. _He felt like he was crawling out of his own skin._

When he’d asked the group who’d gone through the same tests before them the same question, they’d answered in kind: _“Just give it some time, it’ll get better.”_

Ultimately, they’d been right. The pain settled into a familiar ache, and soon enough, it had gone. He’d adapted.

And after all of that, he was still here. Still lying in his cot, trembling from a _bad dream._

Body tensing and feeling his chest heave with each breath, he’d come past just feeling tired after every time it happened. Nowadays, he was tired and _angry_.

He'd been through so much, put his body and mind through so much, and left that part of his life far behind. He was now a member of the highly secretive Soldier Enhancement Program. And still-!  
  
It wasn't fair.  
  
Gritting his teeth until he swore they might just crack from his skull, Jack readied himself to ride it out.  
  
If he had to go through this as well, he'd deal with it just as well, if not better, than the beginning of SEP.  
  
With no warning, there was the sound of a _click_ and despite his eyes being closed, Jack grimaced at the sudden light flooding his vision.  
  
"Gabriel, turn it off," Jack managed through a tight throat. His roommate, Gabriel Reyes, had always had a knack for passing quickly and unnoticed. It'd always surprised him how he could move without making a sound, perfect for covert operations.  
  
And yet he’d been partnered with the man over anyone else, now trained to become a pair perfectly synchronised with each other, _"two brains are better than one"_. And as such, also bunk together.

"Jack," Gabriel's voice came out a lot closer than Jack expected, already having silently covered the ground between the light switch and the bunks. It was just loud enough to be certain in its clearness, and only then did Jack feel light touches on his arms.  
  
They never pulled or pushed, only encouraged him to sit up - touches that may have well only been that of a ghost. Jack found himself pushing into the feel of it despite how weak his body felt.  
  
"That's it, sit up," Gabriel said, words just as strong and clear as before. He opened his eyes to see his bunkmate leaning towards him, but not over, eyes worried and inquisitive with water in his hand - just when had he gotten that?  
  
Gabriel's body blocked most of the light that should have been crashing over him, and Jack found himself thankful on behalf of his still stinging eyes.  
  
Wordlessly, Gabriel went to hand over the cup before pausing and then setting it down on the floor instead. "You've got to calm down, Jack. Just breathe."  
  
Jack looked down to his quivering hands, breathing still harsh, and _he tried_. All he managed to achieve was only realising just how much he was losing control over his own body. He felt like he was drowning in his own mind, fears of a past life and dangers long gone still plaguing him. Eyes scrunching shut, he couldn’t focus his breathing, his thoughts, even his senses felt blurred and-  
  
Then the cot shifted as Gabriel sat down on its side and the touch of his hands came firmer - not rough, but enough to be sure of their presence this time.  
  
"Come on, sit up properly," and Jack did, spine straight and chest no longer compressed into a tight curl, "breathe with me now. In," and Jack followed Gabriel’s lead, taking a deep breath before holding it over several seconds and, “out.”

Gabriel and Jack stayed like that, breathing together rhythmically, until the tremors in Jack settled down and in it’s place followed a sluggish apathy. His body felt like lead, with every movement feeling weighed down by impossible gravity. Only then did Gabriel break the cycle and lean down, reaching for the cup and handing it to Jack.

He didn’t drink it quickly, exhaustion too far set it for that, but once it was to his lips he couldn’t stop until it was all gone. After, his eyes didn’t stray from the empty cup, just sitting there with Gabriel’s presence beside him but unable to properly acknowledge him.

Jack knew Gabriel well enough by now, however. Knew he was persistent and stubborn and with the look he could feel being burnt into his skin, knew Gabriel wouldn’t just let it go. He never really could.

“It’s just one of the side effects, you know,” it was a weak excuse and Jack’s voice reflected it.

There was a hand on his arm then, and when Jack looked up, he met Gabriel’s eyes full of worry and questioning.

“Then you need to go medical, tell one of the docs about it. You know what they said about atypical symptoms-!” Gabriel cut himself off, looking away and face pinched in what Jack swore could be pain, before his eyes found their way back to Jack’s again. “Side effects should have ended weeks ago.”

Jack felt himself choke up - didn’t know why, Gabriel’s words just felt too much, Gabriel felt too close.

“I... it’s-” he didn’t know what he was doing, words just coming out strangled until, “it’s not from the injections.”

Jack felt circles being drawn into the skin of his arms, gentle but like an anchor and Jack _couldn’t stop_.

He pressed into the touch and when Gabriel met him halfway - accepting - Jack pushed himself into the other's arms. His face pressed into Gabriel's warm shoulder, skin and muscle a strong anchor, Jack let go.  
  
He let small, hiccuping sobs fall from himself and against Gabriel's body, childhood stories confessed between breaths, near half incomprehensible.  
  
By the end, his body was practically melded against Gabriel's, the two of them now lying in Jack’s bed. He’d uttered out every truth he could think of, every memory that stayed with him despite everything, and near hated the way his body had resumed the same shaking from before.  
  
And yet, he felt more solid than he had in a long time.  
  
If anything, he somehow felt calmer. He _should_ feel tired - exhausted - like every other time he’s cried and trembled through the pain. The numbness hasn’t come, however, and instead all he does is seek out the all-encompassing warmth that Gabriel is offering and feel so very loose and relaxed.

He can feel the slow, heavy fall of Gabriel’s chest against his head, his body comforting in all its solid mass, and the man must have showered only a few hours ago because all Jack can smell is lavender. Pressed securely against Gabriel’s body, his thoughts sway into a pleasant silence and Jack can’t help but once again focus on copying the other’s steady breathing. For the first time in a long time, Jack feels like he could melt as his body gives way to sleep.

 

* * *

 

It takes Jack a few seconds for his mind to catch up to the situation.

All he can process at first is the simple existence of _warmth_ and his legs tangled with another’s, muscles thick yet pliant in relaxation. In the back of his mind, he realised he hadn’t awoken in sweat and fear - quite the opposite, in fact - but his mind felt too fuzzy to truly focus on the atypical occurrence.

Jacked pulled away just enough to look around but not enough to disconnect his and Gabriel’s bodies more than necessary. The light was still on, he noted, but outside it still proved to be dark. He couldn’t have been asleep for long, not in the short nights of a Nevada summer.

Eyes falling over to Gabriel’s face, the man was fast asleep. His face was relaxed, beard and short brown curls of head hair in disarray. Lazily running his eyes over the other man, Jack couldn’t help but wonder how his dark skin looked so warm in colour despite the harsh artificial lighting.

Reaching up between them, Jack can only stare as his fingers glance over smooth skin, the texture only interrupted by the coarse hairs of Gabriel’s beard and scars curving over the cheek he’s touching. Too quickly, Gabriel’s breathing halts slightly and his eyes open in a bleary confusion.

Soon enough, however, the pinch of his brows and crinkling at the sides of his eyes smooth down, now opening up to rich brown irises.

“Morning.”

Jack would have corrected him, would have told him he’s wrong and it’s not nearly morning yet, but Gabriel’s voice is slurred with sleep and Jack finds he likes it far too much.

His hand stays where it is, Gabriel not seeming to protest the connection, and the both of them settle into a quiet lull. It’s peaceful, like Gabriel is asking nothing more from Jack than to just stay where they are now but regardless, and before he can properly think it through, Jack is pressing forward.

The gap between them is closed, and Jack feels firm, plush lips against his own chapped ones. Gabriel’s chest halts in its movements and there’s the slight tickle of his beard against Jack’s skin as he simply stays there, comfortable and _hoping_. Then, all at once, Jack feels Gabriel surge forward - a whole body movement in its intensity.

Gabriel's lips, along with his entire body, press against him. He pulls Jack as close to him as he can physically manage and then some, hands clutching firmly at Jack.

When Gabriel relaxed, realising that Jack wasn't going anywhere, his gripping lessened in its franticity. Jack felt the sound of a pleased hum against his lips and he went boneless against the vibrations.

 _‘This is it,’_ the words were a sigh in Jack’s mind as he surrendered himself to the moment, both men languidly spread over Jack’s small bunk and each other bodies in a tangle of limbs. Gabriel had one of his hands resting under Jack’s shirt, simply rubbing the lower ribs and keen muscle he found there. Their kiss had turned from hurried to just a soft press of lips, almost only brushing the other, content in merely enjoying the connection.

Gabriel deepened the kiss slightly, lips pushing more insistently, and Jack was more than happy to reciprocate. Arms wound around his body, noses nudging in a clumsy fashion, inexperienced, the warmth from it all foreign yet so welcoming, and then there was a wetness swiping across his mouth.

Jack froze for a halted breath, was about to write it off as nothing, before it happened again. Now, the press was more persistent and Jack processed exactly what it was.

It was too soon for this, Jack wasn’t ready, he wasn’t, it felt like a kick to the gut, _but-_

He couldn’t let this slip through his fingers.

 _‘Close your eyes, hold your breath, and take the plunge,’_ and Jack pushed his body against the current of his mind and into action.

He gripped the back of Gabriel’s head, tangling his fingers into the dark curls as he opened his mouth into the kiss. Jack felt wet probing in his mouth, past his lips and against his own tongue, and he had to fight his instinct to bite down and rush away. He tried to remind himself, it’s not like he hadn’t imagined this from time to time, imagined how nice and purely _intimate_ it would feel. His mind had conjured up the fantasies since he was a young teenager, and since meeting Gabriel Reyes ( _dramatic, larger than life, silently caring Gabriel_ ) they’d more than occasionally included the man.

And if it happened a little faster than he would have liked, then who was he to complain?

Gabriel pulled away from the kiss, although only by a fraction, and Jack couldn’t help but feel a wave of relief. His breath was being driven from his body in short, quick bursts, and the slight sickness in the pit of his stomach was starting to alleviate. Jack believed it most likely would have washed away completely, except in that moment Gabriel began to withdraw fully. Limbs forcibly untangled and there was a distance, an arm’s length, being put between them. Relief twisted into dread.

Jack didn’t want to meet Gabriel’s eyes, didn’t want to know what he’d see there, and when he did there was only confusion staring back at him.

Jack didn’t know what to say. He wanted to fix this, would do anything to remedy the situation, but couldn’t think of any _hows_.

“Jack,” Gabriel’s voice was quiet and there was a hand once again on him, palms barely smoothed against his hands, and Jack noted they were shaking since God knows when. “Do you actually want this?”

Jack felt a sudden cold wash of fear slam into him and all he could manage was to choke on his own words. Gabriel continued, regardless, “you went still after I…” he trailed off only to snap his eyes back, filled with intent, “and- Jesus, you’re shaking!”

Gabriel moved, as if to get up, and Jack felt himself fling his arms around the man. He felt muscle go rigid under his grip and Gabriel froze in place.

“Please don’t,” Jack barely recognised his own voice. It was his voice, yes, but not _his_. It felt like he hadn’t said it at all, as if someone else had commanded the words and he could hear it all from a distance.

“You don’t-” Gabriel cut himself off, voice wavering on the words, “you don’t even want this, that was clear enough when-”

“I do!” Jack shied away at the volume of his own voice before taking a breath and recovering. “I do, just…”

“Too fast?” Gabriel replied, unsure in tone.

“Yeah.”

Gabriel visibly relaxed under Jack at that one word and his arms were wrapped back around him once again.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have gone so fast, not after that, not when-” Jack cut him off this time with a swift kiss, simple and chaste. When Jack deigned it enough to pull away, Gabriel spoke again but slowly and barely above a whisper, “we really don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. I can wait. Even if nothing other than this happens, I’ll be content.”

Jack eyes went wide, mouth parting slightly, tongue and lips working around non-existent words. He couldn’t figure out what he should say to that, lingered on a ‘thank you’ for a few moments, before accepting that he didn’t need to say anything.

Instead, Jack pressed forward once again, closed lips firmly against Gabriel’s in a sure, slow-moving embrace. Relaxing into Gabriel’s body and the man’s confession, and feeling Gabriel do the same, Jack thought that maybe this is what home feels like.


End file.
